(note: fooled you)

^^Thought Wrong^^

Im just done.

Im just done.

Im just done.

Im just done.

Im just done.
I am really just done.
I get this pain in my stomache..i want what I cant have.
I want not to hurt anymore.
To tell everyone to just forget me.
Im not a good person. At all.
I realize this more and more.
The more I see all the people around me hurting and I cant do anything for them.
When did I turn into this person who no one can talk to.
When did I change from being so open…

           so caring..

                 so ready for anything..

so good with gving advice.. to this cold bitch.?
Why am I writing this?
Why am I thinking that I hate myself again?
Why do I want to end life…over and over again?
I don’t understand people.
I wish I could just say it was over anc actually mean it.
I don’t want my friends to doubt me.
I want this pain in my stomache to go away.
Im not hungry.
Yet I am not full.
Not even close.
Im sick of being sick.
Tired of being tired.
Fucking ill from this cycle of life that is over repeating.
I thought I was going to be ok this time.
Thought I would never ever go back to self infliction
Thought I was strong enough
Thought people loved me enough
You know what I really did tho?

I thought wrong.

(note:i wrote both of these poems at seperate times. like i started them over a month ago and finished them tonight. so the intent changed)

#Whats wrong?#

not a poem i suppose.. but my feelings today. i guess today was one of those days..

And is it ok that i hate myself more then i have hated anything in my entire life.
and is it ok that i can't stand not seeing you.
and is it ok that i dont want to eat beacuse i eating makes me feel sick.
and is it ok that i hurt from pushing myself to hard. and is it ok that i hate almost anything that i have ever done.
and is it ok that no matter how hard i try ill never amount to anything.
and is it ok that i like the pain that i inflict.
and is it ok if i dont wake up tommorrow?
and is it ok if i wish that this would all end?

(note: this doesnt have a name)

so im twisted and hurt
and you havent changed
we've gotten no where
which is probabaly where you want to be
well... i dont.
i want to see things
with you
i want to change
with you
i want everything to be
with you
its not going to be.
i am beyond crying
now i am furious
at you? no
how can i be
you wont talk to me
and hell, i wont talk to
you either.
harsh feelings and
empty hearts
blown minds
aching hearts
crushed by you

(note: this is uhh.. more agreesive i guess)

Tell Me

Tell me your scared
Tell me you want me
You want me as much as I want you
Are you insecure?
Or am I getting the wrong signals?
Tell me it hurts
Tell me you’ve fallen
I want you to know
I want your pain
I need your scars
Tell me I haven’t seen you
Tell me you need me
We want each other
This isn’t helping, we need it
Take me now
Tell me you cant live without me
Tell me your life
Let me judge your past
Trust me with your life
You can, I promise
Tell me we are alike
Tell me love is on your mind
I want you to love me
They don’t think it will ever work
We know we can work it
Tell me you have plans
Tell me this is all real
I want your body
But you don’t see it
Can we try?
Tell me things will change
Tell me my heart is all that matters
I want to hear your words
I need to know
I insist you act normal